Revisiting X-Men 2k18: X-Men: Apocalypse (2016)

Directed by: Bryan Singer 

Written by: Simon Kinberg (screenplay) & Bryan Singer, Simon Kinberg, Michael Dougherty & Dan Harris (story) 

The world's first mutant En Sabah Nur (Oscar Isaac) awakens, and wants to cleanse the world by destroying it first and letting the strong survive. The X-Men must stand united against En Sabah Nur and his four horsemen of apocalypse - who include some very familiar faces.

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I've only seen X-Men: Apocalypse four times, two of them at the cinema, two of them at home. My opinion of it hasn't changed: it's still awesome with so many powerful, well-paced, breath-taking scenes that are so incredible they melt my brain and actually made me sometimes shed a tear because, holy shit, it just is that awesome!

I think I've made clear what I love about the X-Men, and it's mostly how ethically complex they can be, especially when Magneto is the villain. Here however En Sabah Nur or Apocalypse is a typical villain, but still interesting. His motivation isn't complex, yet he isn't as bad as Stryker or Trask who are really easy to hate. He does few interesting things that really make you question if he actually did the world a service, and he's portrayed by Oscar Isaac, who is very charismatic, even with all that make-up (or CGI?) on his face. I actually have a friend who was on Apocalypse's side but I'm pretty sure it was only because of Oscar Isaac.

Still, when it comes to villains, En Sabah Nur had his four horsemen of the apocalypse. These are the more interesting characters. None of them are just "evil". Think about Ororo, who idolizes Mystique (she seriously is a really weird choice for a hero but I blame the movies and not Ororo) and probably thinks she's doing the right thing. Think about Erik, who once again has lost everything and feels like there is no other way. Think about Angel who was broken, physically and mentally too, and was restored by En Sabah Nur. The only one I can't really figure out is Psylocke. Still, these four are the ones who make the situation more complex.

Same things still annoy me to this day. Especially the way Charles Xavier first acts around Moira. Sure it makes him more human than just a typical mentor but also it's just ridiculous. He's a grown man, and this is just off-putting.

Another thing that I kind of feel like might be a plothole is that I always think that in the end of First Class Xavier doesn't erase everything from Moira's memory. From the way she talk at the end of that movie it feels like she remembers parts. I'd at least think she'd remember Charles. She remembers a kiss but doesn't remember the man who kissed her? This is why it feels so weird when she doesn't really know him, but still has read about him... What the hell?

I could go into detail why all those amazing scenes are so amazing, but instead I'll just tell you to watch this movie and really feel those powerful scenes. Alongside with X-Men; First Class, X-Men: Apocalypse is probably my favourite X-Men movie.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

9 / 10

What I Watched in Kotka

I was out of town for eight days, most of that was spent working at my school, but I also visited a friend who lives in Kotka. Together we found incredibly stupid films to watch together, so here's a short review of all three of them.

Drive Angry (2011), directed by Patrick Lussier - 4 / 10

We were kind of hoping this would be a movie with an amazing Nicolas Cage freakout moment, but it didn't happen. This film is so silly at times I was kind of excited that someone had made an action comedy like this. Then I realised it wasn't a comedy, or at least that genre wasn't listed on IMDb. What the hell, this movie had so many hilarious over the top moments I thought this had to be made ironically.

Honestly, if this was an ironic action comedy, I'd absolutely love it. But when it seems like it's almost serious, it's just really dumb. Since I can't really tell which it is since it's apparently not a comedy, I have hard time trying to review it. Sure, there were couple of amazing, testosterone filled moments that were super awesome, but mostly it was just alright. And Nicolas Cage didn't serve any of his best over the top moments, so that's a disappointment. I wanted Face/Off Nicolas Cage, not this boring "just mumbling no real yelling" Cage.

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Maximum Overdrive (1986), directed by Stephen King - 1 / 10

I mean if you consider Kubrick's Shining and then the miniseries, can you really trust King's opinions on movies based on his work? King's novels are long and slow, and that just doesn't work on screen, because conversations are boring, we need visuals and strong emotions.

Maximum Overdrive doesn't even manage to be scary or brutal, it's just stupid and boring. Maybe that's the way King tried to go. Maybe he wanted a B-movie. But even for a B-movie Maximum Overdrive is super boring. There are too many characters who are so bland I can barely tell them apart. People like B-movies if they are over the top bad and therefore fun to watch, but Maximum Overdrive just... Well, it isn't much.

There isn't excitement and there are only two scenes that are so stupid they are funny, and they are over fast.

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The Wicker Man (2006), directed by Neil LaBute - 2 / 10

I had to google Nicolas Cage best freak out scenes to find something worth seeing, and none of them were on Netflix. So we got The Wicker Man. I knew the plot already, so there were no surprises. The movie didn't manage to thrill me at all, and that's not only because I knew what was going to happen. It's mostly because everything thrilling was made so boringly. It would be another thing if this tried to be like a slow burn thriller, but there are so many fake out jump scares for it to actually be slow burn.

Only good thing about this is Nicolas Cage freak outs. Like that's it, there wasn't one interesting scene apart from those. It just was boring.

Frozen (2013)

Directed by: Chris Buck & Jennifer Lee

Written by: Chris Buck, Jennifer Lee & Shane Morris

When the newly-crowned Queen Elsa accidentally uses her power to turn things into ice to curse her home in infinite winter, her sister Anna teams up with a mountain man, his playful reindeer, and a snowman to change the weather condition.

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This review contains spoilers.

Do you have a movie you swore you'd never watch? Especially a movie that was so annoyingly popular you kind of hated by default? If you answered, did you ever end up watching that movie? And did the movie prove you wrong?

Well, Frozen certainly did not prove me wrong. I admit I have my assumptions of the movie, but mostly I was hoping I'd see Frozen and think oh, well it wasn't that bad. Sure, it wasn't bad but it's not really good either. It's so aggressively mediocre I just feel annoyed after seeing it.

The story is inspired by The Snow Queen by Hans Christian Andersen, but The Snow Queen is a very interesting story. I actually have never finished the story, it was read to us in elementary school, but even just the beginning of the story was magical and interesting, and definitely not the bland Disney version. The early concepts of the movie were closer to the story. If you haven't seen any, google them. They are really amazing, interesting and stand out from the typical shit Disney throws into the movie theaters nowadays.

Here's the problem: if Disney wanted to make The Snow Queen, why didn't it make the Snow Queen? Why alter the story so much it's barely a shadow of itself? If they wanted to make an original story, they could've. Disney has made some movies that have an original story, and they are magnificent, but the stories that have a source material which they do not really follow are usually very boring. My sister pointed out this with Oliver and the Company: the characters and songs are really good, but because the movie tries so hard to be Oliver Twist, the story is quite bad.

Of course the story here is alright, but that's it, it's just alright. There's nothing absolutely interesting about it, apart from the sibling relationship. I mean most Disney characters seem to be the only child or an orphan so that's kind of new. And since the sisters were isolated from each other while growing up their relationship has a weird feel to it. It's understandable though, but it's not like, say, Lilo and Nani in Lilo & Stitch.

And there's one thing especially I'm really angry about the plot. The parents are so adamant about Elsa having to learn to control her powers, but how is it done? "Never use your powers again, suppress everything." There has to be someone in the kingdom they could've hired to teach Elsa, right? I mean that can't be the only magical thing in the kingdom. Hell, why didn't they ask the trolls?

Now I'm getting to the spoiler-y part, so if you're reading this and don't want to be spoiled (if you haven't been already it's a fucking miracle) skip to the next paragraph. Anyway, I want to talk about Hans. He's the villain, though you wouldn't know it, because he pretends to be something completely different throughout the movie until he reveals his true side to Anna rather spectacularly. Seriously, the "If only there was someone out there who loved you" -line, the whole scene was the best part of the movie, because it's so very intense. But what I love about Hans is they really kept his dark side hidden. I mean he didn't look evil, his design was actually quite nice, and he was helpful when Arendelle was frozen and people needed help... He didn't even get a typical villain song (though I would love to think it's this one). I mean I knew he was the bad guy, because spoilers were thrown in my face, but still it was made so well. You really couldn't tell.

Another big problem with Frozen is it should be edited more. The begining? Way too slow and has a completely useless scene and a useless song. Just start the story where it begins. There are several songs that add absolutely nothing to the story. Actually there are only 3+1 songs that are interesting and are useful: For The First Time In Forever (+ reprise), Love Is An Open Door and Let It Go. Honestly, there just were so many songs that made me want to scream edit, edit, EDIT!

You know who else adds nothing to the story? Olaf. He's a really annoying character that seems to be there only to be cute and sell merchandise. And guess what, Olaf isn't cute. With a better design and another voice actor he could be cute. Josh Gad's voice just doesn't make sense to me, and Olaf sounds like he should be voiced by Jack McBrayer. Honestly listen to this song from Wander Over Yonder and tell me he wouldn't be perfect for Olaf.

You'd think one thing I could say for certain about Frozen is that it'd be visually pleasing. Sure, it is. The snow and ice looks great, but you know who doesn't look great? Elsa and Anna. Many people have said this before me, but it's still true: they look bland, way too similar and to be honest, not very expressive. Also they stand out - or don't stand out - from the crowd. Side characters have their own special look while Else and Anna look exactly like each other and just don't sit well with the more interesting looking characters.

I'm old-school. I'm not a big fan of this kind of animation, give me 2D animation, maybe hand-drawn, and make the background or few special effects 3D. That's the dream. And computer generated animation always has those mistakes you can't make in 2D animation. In 3D there's mistakes like body parts clipping through each other. In 2D the most common mistakes are like colouring mistakes, stuff like that.

The story of Frozen is alright, very typical and very Disney, but I don't really see if there's a reason for the hype. Was it just advertised so much that everyone went to see it? Like was this genuinely because of the audience or was it just because it was that Disney movie?

☆☆☆☆☆

5 / 10

A Goofy Movie (1995)

Directed by: Kevin Lima

Written by: Jymn Magon, Chris Matheson & Brian Pimental

When Max makes a preposterous promise to a girl he has a crush on, his chances to fulfilling it seem hopeless when he is dragged onto a cross-country trip with his embarrassing father, Goofy.

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After the rough week our family has had, it was fun to relax with my sister and my dad to watch A Goofy Movie. ... What's up with that title though? Shouldn't it be The Goofy Movie? A Goofy Movie makes it sound like it's just a Goofy Movie, as if there are several, and I'm just talking about some of them, I don't know or care which one.

A Goofy Movie (I still really want to say 'The') is really funny. It has that slapstick from the typical Goofy shorts, but also the fun is brought on to a new level with the new character Max, Goofy's son. He's a teenager embarrassed by his dad, especially since he can't go to a party with his crush when his dad surprises him with the fishing trip. He lies to the girl about knowing a popular musician, and eventually deceives his dad by altering the map, making their destination L.A.

The father-son relationship of the movie is actually good and well thought out. Goofy seems like a weird choice for a father, but when you think about it, he's the perfect choice from the pre-existing Disney characters. He's... Well, he is Goofy and he's goofy. He is a loving father but also really gives a teenager a reason to be embarrassed. A teenager has no real reason to actually hate his father, so here it's just embarrassment and annoyance from Max.

I think most of the viewers who have been teenagers can see themselves in Max. We've all been like that once. He's kind of annoying and whiny but you understand his reasons. Teenagers just are like that, and as we get older we can laugh at what we were like, but also we understand better what we were going through. Or if you don't see yourself in Max, because you just weren't like that, you can at least see your friends or siblings in Max. (Discussed this with my sister. She never was quite like Max, but she remembers the times I was an annoying teen going through puberty)

So while of course these movies cater to kids, but there are two kind of adults (at least) to whom the movie has something to offer. There are the young adults who have been that teen, and there are parents.

Because of our childhood, we decided to watch the movie with the Finnish dub. Mostly it's really good, my only complain is that Antti Pääkkönen voices way too many characters, especially P.J. Max in Finnish sounds like an actual teenager, even when singing. That is the main reason we prefer the Finnish dub. Especially when you listen to the song After Today. In English, Max sounds like an adult, in Finnish he sounds like a teenager. But when Pääkkönen voices P.J., he sounds like an adult, even if it is an adult with a really high voice. Pääkkönen is talented, one of the most beloved voice actors here because he's in everything, but here it's a wrong choice.

Another weird choice in Finnish dub only lasts for a few seconds, but it's Jukka-Pekka Palo as Mickey Mouse during the song at the beginning of the road trip. Huh? What? I've always assumed Pääkkönen voiced Mickey during this time, and a movie filled with characters voiced with Pääkkönen went with Jukka-Pekka Palo? He's best known for playing the villains, like Scar in The Lion King and Tzekel-Kan in The Road to El Dorado. Sure, he does other stuff, but we remember him as the villains, and knowing he voices Mickey Mouse is just weird.

And now that I've already mentioned the songs, let's talk about the songs. Most of them leave no impression. They just kind of are there, and there's no real reason for them. The only ones I kind of like are the ones by Powerline, because that makes sense, and the one sung at the start of the road trip. Even that is only funny because of a) Goofy and b) all the freaky stuff happening around them like that corpse or kidnap victim starting to sing.

Also there are two confusing things I want to point out.

First one is kind of minor, but it's Mickey Mouse. No, I'm not going to talk about Jukka-Pekka Palo again. No, it's that in the beginning Max has a Mickey Mouse phone. I mean that has to mean Mickey Mouse is famous, right? But when they go on the road trip they see Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck hitchhiking. If they are famous, why... why are they hitchhiking. And also if Goofy knows them, and they are famous, considering everything Goofy should be famous too. Why does it seem like no one knows who he is apart from the town?

Another thing is that my dad was angry at this one transition where first the characters are like we're going to go to that place. Then next scene they are in the place. There's no planning, they just get there. My dad feels like they missed a scene, but I kind of disagree. Isn't it funnier to not know? I don't know, people might see this differently depending on what they like and what they know about screenwriting.

Goofy Movie is funny, surprisingly deep and apart from the few confusing points we really enjoyed seeing it again. I haven't seen it in ages. My only problem was that the dub wasn't always so great, but it's something I can forgive rather easily.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

7 / 10